Object 501

The Holder of Floccinaucinihilipilification

In any city, in any country, go to any mental institution or halfway house you can get yourself to. Walk up to the receptionist's counter and tap on it five times. They should look up and say to you, "Who're you here for?" Reply only with, "Never mind. It's inconsequential." Walk out the door.

If you've done everything correctly, the door will open not back to the street, but to a wasteland unlike any you have ever seen. Vast obsidian monoliths protrude from the barren, ash-covered ground. They will jut out at strange angles, and their cold blackness will contrast almost painfully with the brilliantly white sky. This land will look as if it stretches on forever, quite simply, because it does. Do not attempt to comprehend it, as you will need your wits about you for the trial ahead. It would be prudent to have brought the White King's Sword with you, as well as the Crystal of Shadows. Be wary as you traverse this alien desert, for soon you will feel as if you are being watched. When you do get this sensation, hold the Crystal of Shadows aloft and shout, "Prove to me my worthlessness!" At this point, the crystal should glow brightly, and all the colors of the landscape will reverse. The sky will be black. The ground and pillars will be white. And then, you will see them. Legions of charred, blackened skeletons will surround you.

They will leer at you with empty eye sockets, and hiss in such a way that many Seekers have reported becoming weak-kneed at the sound. It would be advisable that you hold your stance, for they will charge ten seconds after you first lay eyes on them. You must fight your hardest against this horde of undead monsters, failed Seekers all. They are all armed with swords and shields, but you will be able to slice them apart with relative ease. However, their numbers are nigh infinite. You will not prevail. You must fight to your very last breath, until you completely collapse. If you have not reached your absolute limit before you fall, the skeletal legionnaires will tear the flesh from your bones and make you one of them. However, if you succeed, one of the warriors will impale you on its sword. Impale it on yours, and everything save you and the skeleton will shatter as if the entire world were a giant piece of glass.

You must hold on to your life, for dying now on the end of this fleshless entity's sword would be a pitiful way to meet your end. Before you succumb to death, ask it the question, "Why is existence worthless?" In a voice that cannot be described in any language of this world or any other, it will explain. In agonizing detail, it will explain why and how you are worthless to the world, and how your actions and very existence will have no impact whatsoever on the universe. It will continue on, to explain why the Objects themselves are really worthless, how insignificant and futile their creation was, and how little impact their coming together will have on the whole of existence itself. On universes beyond this one, on the creators of those universes, on their universes. In a similar fashion, it will show you the utter worthlessness of Him, of the Seekers, of the Creators of the Objects, and everything you can imagine. It will render its explanation in such a way that you will feel its words echo in your mind, and what it says will be irrefutable fact. You will be infused utterly with a constant sense of futility, and nothing, not even the Objects, will be worth anything to you anymore. When the skeleton finishes, you will blackout.

You should awaken in the bed of the place you call home, with the crystal and sword still on your person. In addition, you will find in your dominant hand the hand of the skeleton that killed you. From this point forward, you will never perceive meaning in anything. However, if your life should end by your own hand, you will become a part of the skeleton legion.

The skeleton's hand is Object 501 of 2538. They are worthless, but will you still bring them together?