Object 460

The Holder of Excuses

Get married, have a family. Love your spouse, and they'll love you. Have kids. Build a happy life for your children.

Now do that again. Cheat on your wife and start a secret family. Have more families, if necessary. Let the tension build. Bring them all together, explain yourself, and, finally, kill all of them.

Now bathe in their blood, bask in the gore. Say, "I am the Holder of Excuses, I create myself."

Thunder will shake the building, the foundation will crack, the walls will tumble. If you are alive, a thing not unlike a man will approach you. "You are not the Holder of Excuses! I am he, father of lies and creator of sin! I am not, was not, and never will be!"

Another will appear, saying, "The both of you have created me, the true Holder of Excuses, with your lies! All shall bow before me!"

Many will appear, each claiming to be the true Holder. They will be of all sizes, genders, forms, and shapes. You must step forward and say, "People, calm down, there has clearly been a mix-up! But I know how we will find the true Holder! You see, a Holder of Excuses must be a great liar! So you will each take turns lying and whoever I deem the best liar is the true Holder!"

The Holders will agree to this, for you will have great skill in making others listen to you because you have been the patriarch of many broods. If they don't believe you, or if someone else steps forward, may god rest your soul.

Choose a secluded locale to test them - and make sure you have a weapon. As each enters the area, kill them. You will have won the contest and rightly be given the Liar's Note.

The note will convince any literate mortal to trust you and believe you, unless they already know the nature of the note.

The note is Object 460 of 2538. When They come together, it will be because of excuses.