Object 380

The Holder of the Knowledge of Good and Evil

In any seedy pub, in any city, in any country, take a seat on the stool and ask the bartender for the strongest drink he has ever made. He will look at you apprehensively and ask, "Should I start you a tab?" As soon as he finishes mixing your drink, decline politely with "No, I'll just have one tonight." He will then place a dark green frothing drink before you on the counter. It will freeze and scald your throat at the same time, so drink it quickly.

When your drink is finished, pay only in cash, and insist on a second round. The bartender will refuse to serve you at first, but after a few tries, offer to pay in advance. He will grudgingly offer you a second drink. Drink this as fast as possible and smash the glass when you are done. You should pass out immediately. If you do not, or your head begins to ache, order whatever you wish. At this point, your fate can't get any worse. Enjoy yourself.

When you wake up, you should be inside a restroom. As fast as possible, empty your stomach by any means you can. It is important that you do so in some kind of bin or sink, however. The bartender would have to clean up your mess if you threw up on the floor. It would not be wise to make him clean up after you. The vomit you give up will be bloody and full of all that you've ever done wrong. Your wrongdoings will manifest as rust, hooks, barbs, and scraps of metal. If, at any time, you pause to let the pain subside, you will be consumed by your own evil and made to live out your life in a cesspool in the darkest reaches of your own mind.

When you are done, exit the bathroom. The bar will now be bustling with the night shift crowd. It will be full of the most maddening and sanity-destroying visages you have ever encountered. Show no emotion other than weary relaxation, and head toward the middle of the room. As you move, you will overhear a discussion of all the Seekers who have failed this test, and how they are being tormented even now. These descriptions will threaten to break you, but persevere, and do not allow your expression to slip. When you reach the center, you will find two men. They appear to be totally normal amid the madness surrounding you, but do not allow this to break your concentration.

The man on the left will be wearing a hat that, even amidst the horrible creatures, you will find odd. Ask him, "What were their crimes?" He will gesture for you to sit. When you do so, he will tell you in a melodic voice every atrocity They committed, and what horrors tie to the Objects. He will drone on for what may seem like centuries about the wars, the hate, that humanity has forgotten about. When he finishes, turn to his companion and ask, "What were their loves?" He will then tell you Their every passion, love, and cherished moment. He will tell you of art beyond comprehension, of honor beyond compare. And when he stops, look directly forward, between both of them, and ask only, "What caused the fall?" You will immediately be wracked with the pain of all creation's anger, and pass out.

When you awaken, you will find yourself at the bar, clutching the odd hat that the man on the left was wearing. You will know what brought the fall and why. Pay your tab, thank the bartender, and leave.

Wearing this hat will instantly allow you to see both sides of any issue. Be warned, however, that you may not like what you see.

The hat is Object 380 of 2538. Wear it at the risk of your ability to choose.