Object 238

The Holder of Chastity

In any city, in any country, go to any wedding reception you can get yourself to. Approach the groom, congratulate him on his marriage, and ask him if somebody called "The Holder of Chastity" accepted their invitation. What happens next depends on sheer luck or prior knowledge. Consulting the Parrot of Truth beforehand will be able to spare you the risk of this part of the Holder's test. If this man's bride has felt sexual pleasure at any time before the marriage, the groom will become offended and will destroy you with whatever is at hand. However, if she has remained totally chaste, the groom will greet you as he would greet a dear friend. He will call over one of the bridesmaids and tell her to lead you to the bridal suite.

As you walk down the impossibly long hallway, you will see time progress backward. Photos on the wall will change from sleek digital prints to large sheaves of paper and further until they become paintings. The clothing you and the bridesmaid wear also progress backward in time. It is advised that you drop all items of modern convenience you may be carrying. Keeping them will not directly bring failure, but past Seekers have been burned as witches for possessing prototype telephones. When the hallway finally ends, you and your guide will be dressed in 17th-century clothing facing a very solid wooden door. The bridesmaid will lead you into the room and present you to the bride.

Show proper respect to the women as fit to the era. These maidens are clever and can recognize those unlike themselves. They will not be able to do much on their own, but the knights they summon will be merciless. When the bridesmaids finish tending to the bride they will leave, follow them. As you walk out, you will hear the clink of a key falling on the floor. Pick it up and close the door behind you.

Wait until the coast is totally clear and reenter the room. Make sure the door is bolted shut behind you, for that is the only way you'll have enough time to complete this task. Approach the bride, hand her the key, and ask her this one question: "What has sexual temptation done to the world?" The bride will stand, lift her dress, and reveal a chastity belt. She will use the key to unlock the belt and begin having intercourse with you at a furious pace. Midway through the act, the door will come under attack. The groom has become a knight after walking the hall and is not too happy with you deflowering his bride. If the knight breaks the door before you finish, you will be chopped to pieces on the spot, and your remains will be fed to dogs. You will remain alive and conscious for the entirety.

If the door holds until you are finished, the knight will demand an explanation. The bride will start to shout about how you forced the key from her and violated her. The knight will rush toward you and knock you unconscious. You will wake in a church, strapped onto a table, surrounded by monks. If anybody but the monks is present, use the little time you have left to make peace with your higher power. The obvious head monk will be standing at the bottom of your feet. Once he sees that you have awakened, he will tell you about all the times giving in to sexual desires has brought pain and suffering upon the world. He will tell you stories of unwanted, abused, and terminated children and people killed in the prime of life by sexually transmitted diseases. The words he says will press upon your very heart and you will realize just how rare and precious your very life has been. Even worse, he will tell you how sexual deviancy will lead to the unity of the Objects. He will reveal that you will bring Him into the world through your sexual desires. The monk will finish his speech and hold up a sharp silver knife. Take comfort in the fact that, at this point, getting the Object is assured. However, it serves as little consolation when the monk castrates you in an attempt to solve the problem. The pain is sure to make you blackout, and there's no reason to fight it.

You will awaken lying on your own bed and come to the full realization you are now a Eunuch. The knife that was used by the monk will be laying next to you, permanently stained by blood.

The silver Knife of Chastity is Object 238 of 2538. There is always another way.