12 Rules for the Waterpark at Amityville Amusement

Welcome to Amityville Amusement! First things first, always shower before and especially AFTER being in the pools. Some other important rules for the Waterpark:

  1. No swimming at lunchtime. We have the buckets of chum for a reason.
  2. No splashing. If you start to get pulled under, your best bet is to play dead and hope they grow disinterested.
  3. Don't pee in the pool. It attracts some of the braver ones.
  4. If you get caught in the water after closing hours, don't try to claw your way through the pool cover - it's there to keep things in. You'll need to find a way through the canals.
  5. Please don't worry if you lose track of cameras, sandals, kids, sun-tan lotion, or sunglasses. Replacements are sold in the gift shop.
  6. The wave pool was specifically designed to distort any image of the pool's bottom, so PLEASE don't dive down there. Even if you can hold your breath long enough to get that far, you won't like what you see.
  7. If you should accidentally ingest any pool water, don't worry. Don't go home. Don't go to a hospital. We have an urgent care facility here on the grounds, we will treat you here.
  8. If you hear skittering feet in the shaded area of the Kiddie Pool, calmly & quickly vacate the area. Those aren't kids.
  9. Please resist the urge to let your hand drag in the water when riding the lazy river.
  10. Absolutely NO pregnant women or infants are allowed in the pools at ANY time. We've seen what happens when a pure host gets infected.
  11. We are aware of the leak stemming from a crack in the bottom of the deep pool. Do not investigate the crack - it's far bigger than it looks.
  12. Stay away from the gray tube-slide on the far side of the park. The company that built all the rides here didn't build that.